Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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