My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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