Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
