I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize