Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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