I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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