Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
