You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
