I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
