I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
