Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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