So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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