eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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