I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
