There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
