I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
