im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
