He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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