Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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