so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
