I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
