she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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