im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
