He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
