i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize