That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
