so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
