So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
