Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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