Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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