if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
