omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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