Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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