Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
