there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
