Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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