i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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