She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
