I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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