I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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