i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
