Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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