Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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