when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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