so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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