the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
