So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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