The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
