I think I died a long time ago.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
