I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize