I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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