I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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