did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
