my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
