I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Two words: nipple clamps
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