In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
