Sry I called you an 8
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't deserve a penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
