I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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