that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
