we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
