I CAN MOONWALK!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
