I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
