i barfeds in our rink
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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