It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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