so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
