I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
