i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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