He had one of those small greek statue penises
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I came so hard my ears popped.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
