I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize