Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
