Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
