i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
