Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
