I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
