it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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