i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
