SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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