why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
