I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do herpes really smell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
