Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
