It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
