i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
