The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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