All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
