I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize