She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
