I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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