you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
